I also saw a sign saying "Slow Children" but I can't think of anything funny about that.

I'm always on the look out for odd things to put in my stand up routine. I think that in some ways I'm an observational comedian, but only in a very specific and personal sense. Instead of saying "have you ever noticed that..." I tend to say something like "I noticed something weird..." or "something weird happened to me". I like to tell a little story instead of referring to a general truth. Some audiences, particularly in big clubs, prefer to be told about things they already know - hence the tendency towards "hack" or cliched subjects. These can be boring and repetitive if you go to lots of comedy but seem completely original if it's your first time. Many times I've heard the same joke from several comedians, and I don't think any of them stole it - it's just a pretty obvious idea based on a common observation.

Anyway. Here are three signs I saw recently which I thought were quite funny:

1. "AAA Balloons - For All Your Decorating Needs!"

Presumably as long as those needs only involve balloons. I saw this on a billboard next to the pitch at Wivenhoe Football Club, when I was there for the lovely Wivenhoe Funny Farm gig. Brilliantly, I also saw two other adverts for local balloon companies whilst I was there. There's obviously not a lot else to do in Essex.

2. "Please don't open windows too far as birds may fly into toilets."

This sign is in the toilets at the offices of The Spotlight, where I was for an casting. It really made me want to open the window just to see what happened. I imagined the conversation later in the office: "Another bird got in the toilet! That's the third this week! Perhaps the sign is being counter-productive?"

3. This one needs a bit of context - I was filming some scenes for a TV show in the reception of a magistrates court when I noticed several big notices saying:

"ARE YOU GUILTY? If so, tell us now!"

Is it just an attempt to trick stupid criminals into admitting it? If so, it's a bit lacking in subtlety, along the lines of Baldrick's "Are you a German spy?" interrogation technique, or the US Immigration forms that ask "Are you a terrorist?" I flew to America for the first time earlier this year, and, although I'd heard many jokes on the subject, I still found the forms hilarious. However, I wasn't tempted to express this hilarity to the Immigration officers. My quest for comedic originality doesn't extend that far.