And dream-catchers can fuck off too

I live in London and therefore I have never spoken to my next door neighbour. I've lived next door to her for five years and we've never even said hello to each other. She's an elderly woman and I've seen her potter around her garden or take out the bins a number of times. We may have nodded at each other in a mildly neighbourly way, but no words have ever been exchanged between us.

Despite this I'm pretty sure she's a massive arsehole.

The reason I'm sure about this is that a few months ago she put up some wind chimes in her garden. Quite near my bedroom window.

Now I can hear their tinkling chimes all day. And all night. Because the thing about wind is that is doesn't stop when it gets dark. I essentially have a wind alarm installed next door, going: "Hey! It's windy! It's windy! IT'S REALLY WINDY! Not so windy now...........But a bit windy." 

It's infuriating. I'm quite sensitive to noise. I like silence. I often wear earplugs to sleep, because even the slightest noise can keep me awake. And now there is always the slightest noise. The slightest noise of chimes. Telling me it's a bit windy.

I have no idea why she put them up. Maybe they're there to ward off evil spirits? They're certainly not warding off my evil thoughts. Maybe she thinks that no one apart from her can hear them, despite the fact that she lives in close proximity to dozens of other people. Perhaps she thinks noise doesn't travel across property boundaries.

Or perhaps she is just a massive arsehole.

I could ask her to take them down. But this seems unlikely. I'm British and hate confrontation. I could ask the council to ask her to take them down, but I have no wish to involve myself in some sort of local dispute which will probably involve paperwork.

So instead I suspect I'll get slowly more annoyed about it until one night I'll get home drunk, lean over the fence and try to cut the wind chimes down using kitchen scissors, and then when that fails throw empty beer bottles at them until they fall off.

And then I bet that everyone will think that I'm the massive arsehole.